I have been crying, balling, sobbing all night now. I was going to write when I stopped myself and realized words would be deficient in the overwhelmingly emotional state I was in. Then I sat down by the piano, which I have no clue how to play, and allowed my feelings to drizzle out onto its keyboard along with vocals I hadn’t at all planned for. And suddenly I found myself playing and singing a song, surprisingly beautiful too. I guess this is what love does to us. It makes us move. It makes us create. Usually I would have gone to write right away, or maybe dance for a while. But love needed me to expand even further and find more ways to express my emotions. Love does not settle. Love does not say ‘fine we’ll leave it at that and go no further’. Love pushes the boundaries, all the time. Sometimes it’s subtle, maybe because we’re fighting it or maybe because we’re not paying enough attention. But even now as I am writing I am noticing how love is pushing me to write grander and faster. Love is asking me, no not even asking but demanding me to keep on striving. Love is commanding me and moving me onward, inward, outward and in all conceivable directions. Love is not telling me to stick to what I know. Love is telling me to learn more, keep on exploring, keep on pushing, pushing and pushing. But love doesn’t mean that in a bad way. It’s not saying that what I’ve got right here isn’t enough, quite the contrary, it is telling me that everything I have right here, right in this moment, is abundant already. It is everything and more. It’s saying that what I’ve got right here and right now is precisely what I need to create the circumstances for more. Not that I need more. It is only saying all this so that I learn what more really is. More is not a concept in the future. More is what we find right here when we look into things from the angle of love. Love is more. More is one of the very many definitions of love. Love is more, and also so much more than that. Love. Love is every second of every day of every life. Love is what keeps on going. What makes us keep on going. It is the head corner stone of all life, of all movement, of all bettering, of all creation. When we move in tune with love we are dancing to the rhythm of evolution. It is an ever-flowing, endless beat that, though it keeps on going steady, never ever creates the exact same music twice. Every verse and every tune is unique, seeking to be followed by an even better one. And such is how life goes on creating itself with the help of love. Love is that gravitational force into the infinity and abundance of the moment so that we can expand effortlessly into the next. How amazing it is really. How very mind-blowing, gut wrenchingly beautiful. How genius and how magnificent. There is truly never a dull moment in life once we take note of the love that is guiding us, in its continuous managing of the resources that life entail, pushing and pulling. And to realize that we were all blessed with a heart, a living outlet for love into our otherwise so rational beings… to realize that we are vessels of this love, no matter how little or how much we are aware of it! And even better so to realize that we can actually be aware of such a brilliant phenomenon going on in and outside of ourselves, constantly and ever so stunningly. New, new, new is the song of love. And even if that seems harsh to the mind that also always sees the old passing sometimes brutally quick, it is the way life must be for it to be at all. New, new, new also means better, better, better, at least from the perspective of love, which we can all see from through our very own hearts. Move on, move forward and create, it tells me. Love loves to create; it is all it ever does. So if that means life is its stage and I am its instrument to continue doing so, I am game. I am definitely game. Will you come and play?
I am in love. I fell in love and there is no falling out of it. But I am no damsel in distress. I have fallen head over heals, yes. Truly and deeply but there’s no point in trying to catch me. Don’t you worry. It’s no silly infatuation. I am not blinded, no, I see things very clearly now. I am madly in love. I have fallen and there’s no turning back.
I am in love with life. I am so in love that these words are failing me. I love intensively. Every little crack and crease. Every little turn. Every little bump. All of it. I am in love with everything I see. Everyone I meet. Everything I touch. Everything that ever was. All that has yet to come. And mostly, I love all that is.
Every hair on my body. Every scar and every wound to come. I love the way my whole organism works together in a symphony, keeping me in one piece. Allowing me to move as a beautiful irreplaceable entirety. Especially how it allows me to dance. To feel. See. Speak. Taste. Write. All of it.
I love everything around. Everything far away in the distance and nearby. I am so in love. With every man and woman who has ever spoken a single word to me. Taken the time to get to know me. To be with me in one way or another. Intimately or completely platonic. I am so in love. So, so in love.
I am in love with the lizards. Insects. With the bees. The flowers. The clouds. The sun. And all there is, ever was and ever will be. All that- I love. I am even in love with the things that I fear. The things I can’t stand. All of it. Of course I am in love with what I love. With all that I like. All that I don’t understand and all that I do.
Oh how wonderful it is to be in love. To see so clearly. In love with my own beating heart and bewildered spirit. My cultured mind and my unique body. Also, I am in love with you. So if I haven’t already made it clear, now you should know… I love you.
Love what you don’t like
Love what you don’t understand
Love what you can’t see
Love what you see
Love what you hate
Love what makes you sad
Love what makes you wonder
Love what makes you feel
Love what makes you upset
Love what makes you angry
Love what is different
Love what is boring
Love what is joyful
Love what is
Love everything and everything will bring you love
Love with no limits and infinity will be the reward.
I used to wish I were simpler. I used to suffer from the complexity of the inner workings of my mind. I used to be hurt by the inability of others to understand the vast ocean of intricacy within me. No wonder- when I always knew I had stars in my head. It seemed simple at first but in teenage years things were not always bound to be easy when ancient wisdom was fused with hormones and deep feelings of alienation.
But I see that I was born to simplify complexity, by first of all embracing it. Without the baffling ways of my mind and the highly elevated sensitivity of all my senses I would not be me. Without all of that I would not see so much, I would not understand so much and I would not love so much. The way I am is the gift that allows me to give. I am beautiful in all my complex ways; it’s as simple as that.
Sometimes I get jealous of others, of how their simplicity appeals to people, how their words can be so direct while I fiddle with my metaphors. But I was born a metaphor and such I must embrace myself. I see behind a veil that many don’t even know exists, and so my challenge has been to unveil complexity with ease. And now I am beginning to embrace ease.
My purpose here is to bring forth the secrets of the universe in the ways in which I know how. I am here to un-masque the lies we have been told and to spread the joys of truth that we hold inside of us. I am here to understand the complicated ways in which we function in order to help people unlock from their fixed states of resistance to life and bring them back into simplicity. Others have the gift of simplicity intrinsic in their being, with the purpose of helping by merely being, by shining bright with fewer questions asked.
I used to think it was a curse having to dive so deep into the dark to find the hands that needed to be held and brought back up to light. But now I see how strong it’s made me, how wonderful my gift is to be able to operate in all dimensions of life. Today I have brought myself back to simplicity, after nearly drowning in effort, contemplation and introspection; but I see it was all necessary and I am infinitely grateful for my journey. I am the paradox, simplicity and complexity combined, light and darkness united in love. I am the beautiful metaphor I was born to be; simply me.
I felt silly at first, to think that things could have been any different. But did I really think so? Maybe I just didn’t. Maybe I’m neither surprised nor feeling like I knew what it was going to be like. Maybe I’m just not really used to this profound sense of ease. Though there is some frustration hiding somewhere. A sadness maybe…
I feel sadness because I feel how guarded the hearts that I once touched have become. But maybe they were always so guarded and I was just to infatuate to see. I do have a habit of seeing far beyond the masque that they wear. And so sometimes I forget it’s even there. And when I wake up from my loving trance I am stunned to see such unfamiliar faces on the people that I love deeply. I get the feeling that I have been brutally thrown out, cast away like a drunk from a nightclub, and all I wanted to do was just to dance. Only, I am a drunk in love within hearts that aren’t ready. Dancing and dancing.
Maybe it hurts because I was once that stone face with a brick wall around my heart, keeping everyone at a safe distance. I too tried to protect myself in the ways in which I knew how, and locked myself out of my own heart, my own unconditional love and stream of emotions. Pain can do that to people. I know that now.
So when I see their faces, acting like they never rested deep within my soul and drank from my gushing love, I am reminded of my own past pain. Pain from denying all the love that was, only to be able to move forward without showing the world how you’re limping. But I know better now. It is okay to limp. It is even okay to stop and rest for a while, to let the feelings catch up to us. To dive deep into vulnerability. To be honest. And then move on stronger, maybe even without that old limp.
But most of them don’t know this. Most of them don’t even know how to stop hiding, because they’re still hiding from themselves. Today I don’t act deceivingly merely because others do. I stay true to myself, deeply connected to my own love and flowing feelings. I know better than to fear them because they are simply always passing, like a river running through me. I am not scared. I let it flow with ease. I let it go. I am honest, vulnerable and always, always in love. I forgive myself for having once been like them. I forgive them for their brick walls and stone faces. Unaware, protective of hearts that really just long to be ripped open for love to dance freely through them. I accept and love it all. I am grateful.
I reside in my own heart. I am in love, always. Thank you.
The sun does not compare itself to the moon
Embrace. Embrace, the ever-changing dance
We are planets, centers of gravity’s pull
Each crucial to the synchronicity of the whole
The moon does not wish it were the earth
Every single one of us, born out of a serendipitous collision
A union of love, for the benefit of all
Part of a micro macro galactic family
Building the entirety by being, by learning
Venus doesn’t ask to switch places with Mars
Rotating in different directions, different angles in different speed
Here to explore the endless varieties of life’s expression
There is no ideal; uniqueness is the expansion, the bliss
Jupiter does not try to be more like Pluto
Embrace. Embrace, diversity in time and space
As above so below, as within so without
Emitting light together
A spectacular experiment, motivated by love
We think that one who loves risks all
We think so because one who loves gains all
And therefore one who loves must also loose all
But we are wildly mistaken
Not because one who loves does not gain all
But rather because one who loves can never stop
So it follows that one who loves can never loose
As once our hearts have been torn open wide
They will always remember
They will never forget the marvels they knew
They will never unlearn how to cast those spells of love
Our minds on the other hand tell a different story
They say we must curl up and die a slow death
For they think that love is a thing that can be lost
But love cannot be lost
Love can only grow, it knows no other way
And when our eyes don’t see its branches blooming
Its roots are simply extending into the abyss
Stretching down to the depths of our being
Even as it seems winter ends a short-lived summer blossom
Love makes us steady and strong
Preparing for another season
One even merrier to come
Love is a tenacious being
With no dawn in time nor space
As it seems to set it also rises
Within it grows no fear
Though our minds have painted it in the colors of our horrors
But when the giant bubble bursts
And we see the sphere we used to dread
Once clothed in all our terrors, now open up its merciful gates
Not at all what it appeared to be
Merely a mind made mirage of what love ought to be
Love is really all around
Impossible to loose or even not to find
Just dare to go beyond the hurdle
And see that love is always present
But if we think we have to love at all cost
Such will be our findings
Until we learn it has no price
Love will look to be a terrible sacrifice
But since love is all, it can hardly be lost
Therefore it is simply so
That one who loves is one with all.
Take the love I give you, I ask nothing in return
Let it heal your wounds and make you remember
Embrace this lifetime and come back to life
Awake from your slumber and look into my eyes
Yes, you always knew but I shall keep repeating
I will keep on singing until you sing along
Please do not worry for there’s nothing to fear
The damage that was done can be undone
Just take the love I give, and keep in your heart.
Come find me,
Come find me and I’ll show you,
I’ll show you the void,
The void that’s inside of me,
Inside of me there’s plenty of space,
There’s plenty of space for you too,
For you too to grow,
To grow like I have grown,
I have grown so you can find me,
So you can find me and I’ll show you,
I’ll show you what fills me up,
What fills me up and what grows within,
And what grows within is love,
Is love what you came to find?
What you came to find I’ll show you,
I’ll show you.