I have been crying, balling, sobbing all night now. I was going to write when I stopped myself and realized words would be deficient in the overwhelmingly emotional state I was in. Then I sat down by the piano, which I have no clue how to play, and allowed my feelings to drizzle out onto its keyboard along with vocals I hadn’t at all planned for. And suddenly I found myself playing and singing a song, surprisingly beautiful too. I guess this is what love does to us. It makes us move. It makes us create. Usually I would have gone to write right away, or maybe dance for a while. But love needed me to expand even further and find more ways to express my emotions. Love does not settle. Love does not say ‘fine we’ll leave it at that and go no further’. Love pushes the boundaries, all the time. Sometimes it’s subtle, maybe because we’re fighting it or maybe because we’re not paying enough attention. But even now as I am writing I am noticing how love is pushing me to write grander and faster. Love is asking me, no not even asking but demanding me to keep on striving. Love is commanding me and moving me onward, inward, outward and in all conceivable directions. Love is not telling me to stick to what I know. Love is telling me to learn more, keep on exploring, keep on pushing, pushing and pushing. But love doesn’t mean that in a bad way. It’s not saying that what I’ve got right here isn’t enough, quite the contrary, it is telling me that everything I have right here, right in this moment, is abundant already. It is everything and more. It’s saying that what I’ve got right here and right now is precisely what I need to create the circumstances for more. Not that I need more. It is only saying all this so that I learn what more really is. More is not a concept in the future. More is what we find right here when we look into things from the angle of love. Love is more. More is one of the very many definitions of love. Love is more, and also so much more than that. Love. Love is every second of every day of every life. Love is what keeps on going. What makes us keep on going. It is the head corner stone of all life, of all movement, of all bettering, of all creation. When we move in tune with love we are dancing to the rhythm of evolution. It is an ever-flowing, endless beat that, though it keeps on going steady, never ever creates the exact same music twice. Every verse and every tune is unique, seeking to be followed by an even better one. And such is how life goes on creating itself with the help of love. Love is that gravitational force into the infinity and abundance of the moment so that we can expand effortlessly into the next. How amazing it is really. How very mind-blowing, gut wrenchingly beautiful. How genius and how magnificent. There is truly never a dull moment in life once we take note of the love that is guiding us, in its continuous managing of the resources that life entail, pushing and pulling. And to realize that we were all blessed with a heart, a living outlet for love into our otherwise so rational beings… to realize that we are vessels of this love, no matter how little or how much we are aware of it! And even better so to realize that we can actually be aware of such a brilliant phenomenon going on in and outside of ourselves, constantly and ever so stunningly. New, new, new is the song of love. And even if that seems harsh to the mind that also always sees the old passing sometimes brutally quick, it is the way life must be for it to be at all. New, new, new also means better, better, better, at least from the perspective of love, which we can all see from through our very own hearts. Move on, move forward and create, it tells me. Love loves to create; it is all it ever does. So if that means life is its stage and I am its instrument to continue doing so, I am game. I am definitely game. Will you come and play?
If you are looking for the easy way out, searching for a quick fix, I’ll tell you- you have come to the wrong place.
This door might be wide open, but it leads you down the rabbit whole.
To me it’s all the same though, I’ve been there many times.
But I warn you if you choose to enter, be prepared and let it all just go.
Let the brick walls of your mind collapse and your soul spiral away.
Be as open as the door that let you in.
Because if you are not, and you choose to see only what your mind was set to see, you will be fiercly blinded.
And more than that, the hole in which you fall will as bottomless as you expect.
And so your fears will keep extending, into that infinite black hole.
But if you come here looking for truth, prepared with all your courage, faith and love, then please my love- do enter.
And you shall see that as you fall you rise up high, and the pit you feared to enter is one with great reward.
And so long you keep your eyes wide open, no beauty shall be lost.
For if you trust and know your heart, you’ll know to love confusion as a deeply crucial part.
I got sick, terribly sick. Sick of hiding and holding myself back. Yes, truly, it made me ill in every sense. And then when I stood back up to heal, they turned their eyes to me and saw. And what they saw it scared them. So much so they tried to beat me black and blue. Though my colors never changed, I do see I was born to break. Break the shell of fear, that we impose upon ourselves. I am not the sickness, though it held me tight for long. No, me I am the remedy. The cure from all their lies. I think the word is truth. But I’m sure it won’t suffice, to show what grows inside it. To reveal all that it is. But my life is the tool, to awaken just all that. Whatever it might be. And put to sleep what it is not. For all that I now forgive, and allow to slip away. So yes, that is why I won’t be hid again. For here I stand in light of love and truth. Stripping off the sickness, healing in the nude.
It’s easy to judge honesty. Of course it is. Because honesty, uncensored and raw, brings out fear in us. It awakens the secrets we have buried deep down. It makes the corpses of our lies twist and turn in their well dug graves. It stirs confusion within our organized illusions. It reminds us of our nakedness and vulnerability. It reminds us of the masques we forgot we even wore. It makes us ask questions we forgot we even had the answers to…
and so I ask in the name of truth, and appeal upon the judge inside of me and you:
You call me crazy, but would you have the courage to live as freely as I do?