COULD YOU BE YOU?

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It’s easy to judge honesty. Of course it is. Because honesty, uncensored and raw, brings out fear in us. It awakens the secrets we have buried deep down. It makes the corpses of our lies twist and turn in their well dug graves. It stirs confusion within our organized illusions. It reminds us of our nakedness and vulnerability. It reminds us of the masques we forgot we even wore. It makes us ask questions we forgot we even had the answers to…

and so I ask in the name of truth, and appeal upon the judge inside of me and you:

You call me crazy, but would you have the courage to live as freely as I do?

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You call me lazy, but would you have the patience to let the mysteries unfold all the way?
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You call me naive, but would you have the faith to believe the truth once it’s there, right in front of you?
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You call me morbid, but would you have the strength to face the fears and feel the feelings that lirk inside the darkest of caves?
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You call me spoilt, but would you really have the gratitude to accept such abundance?
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You call me foolish, but would you have the love to give so thoughtlessly?
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You call me a reckless, but would you have the passion to burn so bright?
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You can call me anything you wish, but would you be able to be me? Would you have the guts and the heart to live my life as fully as I? To be present, bare footed on the earth I walk upon, every moment of every day, to watch the birds fly and hear them sing, to sit and breathe with the whispers of the wind, to have your thoughts and feelings dance with the noise of roaring boats in the distance, walk with the beams of the sun upon your scarred face? Could you do that and know that all is as it should be, that this is life, perfectly imperfect, nothing more nothing less? Could you write these sentences and smile as heartfelt as I?
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Could you be you, as honestly as I am me?
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If so, I salute you. For I know the strenght, the courage, the love, the patience, the passion, the gratitude and the faith it takes to be me and live in this everlasting moment of change. So if you do too, I salute you.
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ALREADY HOME

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We rise up towards the sky

Wings piercing through layers of clouds

Shades of blue shifting

Turning Darker

Voices speaking

A steady hum

We are moving

Constantly

Full speed ahead

We are going home

Yet we are already home

Always

Wherever we are

Always home.

ALLEGIANCE TO UTOPIA

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Hey. I really don’t mean to ruin your day but… then again, maybe I do. Because honestly I can’t really afford to stop and worry about what you will think of me. It isn’t the biggest of my problems. I have to ruin your day. Because maybe that’s what it takes for you to put your day in perspective, to understand what a day really is. Because as you prepare for this new day as if it were just an ordinary day, one in a seemingly endless row of days cramped with unprocessed emotional residue from the past, fatal things are happening. The residue causes unconscious behavior further motivated by an unachievable future ideal that has been imprinted in your mind by society, and all the while… humanity is, not so slowly anymore, committing mass suicide. Every minute, heck, every second that we spend either stuck in the past or escaping to the future through our minds, we miss a chance at individual and collective redemption and instead contribute to the growth of dysfunction in ourselves and the world. Each and every one of us is responsible for the restoration of balance within us in order to create that balance in the world around us as well. We need to realize this with the sense of urgency that is required for us to act upon it as quickly as possible. Every moment is a battle between the forces and it is in our hands to even things out and reinstate harmony in the world. It is doable but it necessitates our full conviction and dedication. I pledge allegiance to the utopian reality that is available to us through enlightenment and love in every present moment. Will you too?

BURIED ALIVE

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Dormant was the angel in me

Now she is raging

No longer sound asleep

But still tied up in chains

Who am I to hold her back?

When it seems she can’t be put down

No amnesia strong enough

To make it disappear

Her wings aching

Longing to be freed

The pain I cause this being

Of light so pure and bright

Kept in the dark

She longs for fresh air

Yet all I can acquire

Is the rotten scent of fear

No I didn’t mean to be so cruel

This was what I learned to do

Keep her down down

Do not awaken her soul

The sleeping beauty inside

Hold back

Hold back tight

Her crown is way too bright

It will blind you

Corrupt you that’s for sure

But now I know

The lies began so long ago

Perverted was my mind

By the rulers of the frightful

And only now I see

With much more clarity

Just what was really kept from me

A vision of a tortured angel

Locked in their despair

And now my ears are bleeding

For I hear much louder how

The cries they tried to drown

Of a desolate bewildered spirit

Longs for my embrace

In such agony and pain

No I refuse to say

She sings her song in vain

Even if it scares me

I intend to cut the chains

Free at last she will be

You just wait and see.

SERVANTS OF THE MOON

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I bleed with the full moon

As it eclipses I fall into its shadow

But in the vivid dark I see

The fallen sisters of times past

My faithful standing allies

And those yet to grieve

The river of blood that we spill

Today the moon is full

And it speaks of more than sorrow

It speaks of laughter shared

Of sisterhood braced

It tells the tale of waters dance

And preaches of flowing life

Dictating the tides of our bodies

One we grandly walk upon

Others we sensitively walk within

It sings to the rhythm of our beating chests

And I hear the gentle tapping

Of bare feet to the ground

We sway with the currents

Surrendering to our master in the sky

It tells me to bleed

And so I honor its vile wish

Yet weeping no more

For the lineage of the drained

Understanding finally why

Such was our heredity and destiny

To continuously live and die

Rinsing the present of the old

Such is the providence of our sisterhood

Powerful keepers of balance

Humble dancers of destroyers

And tender queens of rebirth

Loyal decedents of the divine

We were never fallen

Merely dancing to the everlasting flow

In and out like breaths of air

Kindred delicate warriors of this earth

Holding life within our wombs

Bleeding with the full moon

The one to always be there, the one to become

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I am beginning to see now just what it is I have done for myself in this lifetime. I am beginning to understand the extent and the depth of the work that I have done with and on behalf of myself. I am beginning to allow for the seeds that I so bravely planted within to truly take root and to crack open the surface and begin to show. And with this I am beginning to acknowledge just how grateful I am for my own persistency, courage and unwavering faith. Sure, there have been moments when my mind has questioned just about everything and I have felt like giving up; I’m even sure there are many more of those moments to come. But at the end of the day I still have myself to thank for pulling myself through the tough stuff and believing in the good of all. I have stared myself in the eyes oscillating between feeling everything from and including intense self-loathing and good old unconditional love, but however dark things have sometimes tended to seem, I never forgot about light. And so finally I am truly beginning to see that I have really been there for myself through it all. I’m seeing that all past little versions of me have brought me safely to this moment, this magnificent moment we call the present. So, without of course neglecting the importance of the people who have always been around, I realize that I, more than anyone, am to thank for, for this precious moment. Just as much as I am to blame for all the times I have not acknowledged the geniality and beauty of life I am also to thank for all those other times when I actually did manage to open my eyes to the wonder of the world. Though blaming is of no purpose, I know that now, because even what we perceive as mistakes and all that we take on as guilt which wears us down has its reason too: to teach us lessons in unconditional love.

I understand it is rather rare and uncomfortable to see yourself as the hero of your own life and I suppose it is because people too seldom feel capable and too seldom are encouraged to essentially be the divine hero of their own life. I’m not saying we shouldn’t look for support and seek help, on the contrary we should definitely be more open to let others be there for us through thick and thin- but without faith in our own potential and without our own support to our self we are mere infants helplessly wandering this hazardous earth. So once we have physically grown beyond the stage of infancy we must slowly but surely metaphysically grow into our own loving parent, god or goddess. Without developing this inward support of the self we cannot yet embody the full magnitude of who we have the potential to become. Parents teach us about this, they are the examples of the loving parents that we are meant to develop within by showing us how to love us unconditionally. Though all parents, as they are people too, are flawed and make mistakes of their own, meaning they usually too have more to learn about the subject of unconditional loving, we must strive to become the better parent and learn from all given lessons. The better parent is the one who loves even more, not in a competitive way, but in a forgiving, brave, naked and vulnerable way. The better parent is the person who loves him/herself extensively through everything and who, thanks to this love, knows how to love all other beings and moments just the same way, and who dedicates his/her life to simply be an expression of that love. The better parent is he/she who forgives their own parents and all others just as he/she forgives himself for he/she understands that all things are merely different aspects of the same thing: the desire for love to express itself in one way or another.

 So what do I really want to say? Well, I suppose I really just want to thank my inner parent, my divinity within, for never leaving me and for helping me get back to where I can see the bigger picture, for taking care of and comforting all my inner children who were once hurt, holding their hands until they were finally ready to leave happily and allow me to continue onto the next adventure. It is not without a big bunch of humility that I bow down to my own inner being because I for one know what resistance I have many times put up. The beauty of it is that in seeing that it is this unconditionally loving being of light within me that brought me to be- I can now peacefully merge with it. With all the gratitude my heart can bear I now surrender to my own magnificence, allowing for all the love it holds to be expressed entirely and freely through me.

Because such is the human being that she isn’t only the facilitator of love- she is love manifested.

Small mind, Big world

IMG_6182Meaning. Purpose. Or whatever we choose to call it. That’s the key. That’s what it’s all about. At least this is my theory of what it’s all about… and also what it’s not about. 

We might all go about searching and possibly finding it differently but however I try to break it down I always end up with this sturdy common denominator, namely meaning. Also, I believe there are two aspects of meaning, one that is constructed and created by the human mind, both collectively and individually; another that simply is, which is fundamental to existence no matter what man knows or thinks of it. Consequently, the way I see it we have certain major choices in life. Either we stubbornly convince ourselves and others that our idea of meaning is unquestionably right, i.e. idealism, extremism, fanaticism, radicalism etc. or we search aimlessly for something to give us what we seem to miss within and fall in each pit that society has dug for the exhausted pursuers of happiness, i.e. addiction, consumerism, deprivation, denial. Or, we acknowledge the second aspect of meaning, which isn’t interwoven in the creation of human civilization and which lies outside of the conceptions of society yet inevitably permeates all life. This, according to my humble theory, nonetheless supported by ancient wisdom and philosophy as well as modern day science, would lead us to reevaluate the ideas and structures of our culture and furthermore create a shift in both our thinking and our living. The only reason I can think of as to why it hasn’t yet reshaped the human world we live in is that the fundamental idea of man being responsible of creating meaning still prevails and blocks the recognition of the essential meaning of life. If we remain attached to the notion that meaning is to be conceived by man we will inevitably remain stuck within the limitations of the ideas that we are able to rationally conceive. Yet if we were to drop this, somewhat egocentric, idea that we as a human race and as individuals are to decide what is meaning and what is not, we should be able to recognize that life itself has teachings that we can take note of without necessarily having to be the architects behind it.

 Understandably, this is infinitely hard. For the rational mind to drop its desire to figure everything out and to stop building up a worldview that is rationally justifiable in today’s society, it takes quite a lot of introspection. Likewise, for the lost souls whom cannot seem to settle with any given rational definition of meaning to stop looking to be distracted from their sense of lack, it takes quite a lot of courageous self-examination and determination. It takes bravery in its uttermost form to be willing to jeopardize all what we have socially learnt to be true and right in order to open oneself up to uncovering a mystery that is actively denied by so many. And more than anything it takes great faith in something beyond humanity itself, which perhaps in its nakedness is the scariest thing of all. With all do respect, I am not talking about a blind faith in sacred scriptures, profane sciences or in higher beings that we have named God, Allah, or Brahma much like characters in childlike stories that we repeat to ourselves in hopes to live meaningfully. I am talking about a limitless faith in everything that cannot be imagined by the human mind in combination with everything that is in fact perceivable to man. Man has, during his approximate 200,000 years on planet earth as a conscious being yet failed to formulate an all-encompassing truth pinpointing the reason why we exist. Still he walks around this earth as if he was the ruler of all and in the process he has made himself the enemy of all. Our desperate attempts to recreate some sort of meaning to life has mistakenly put us in a position where we contra productively deprive life of its intrinsic meaning, doing things like leading wars, exploiting our resources and all kinds of indulgence in big or small scale conflict.  

Is it so unlikely that existence itself knows better why we are all here and that existence itself is not trying to hide this reason but that we, ambitious as we have become, are drowning out its voice by overlooking the obvious? Is it so unlikely that we, socially conditioned by our own relatively short human history, are simply barking up the wrong tree? Is it so unlikely that we can experience meaning, know meaning, feel meaning and live meaning without making it up or recreating it in our minds? Is it really so unlikely? I say no, on the opposite, it is quite unlikely that there isn’t such a meaning, but instead of saying “seek and ye shall find” I’d like to say “trust and ye shall find”. Meaning. It’s here. Let’s believe it and embrace it. 

Who I am

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I know who I am now. I am a force beyond the thinkable. I am an old soul on my way home after a long journey. Coming home is always bittersweet. It is hard but so very beautiful too. I have been wandering for a long time now and even though this might not be precisely the last of my destinations I can sense this voyage is coming to an end some time soon and I am coming home. It is with immense gratefulness that I look back upon my journey, even though I’m not quite sure exactly where I have been. What matters most is where I am right now and this, this is a good place and all I know is that I have my past to thank for this moment. Regarding the future, I have no more worries. I have come this far and I trust that life won’t give up on me until all my duties are fulfilled on this earth. It is a dark place many times but I am determined to shed as much of my light as I possibly can to help guide my fellow humans on their wearying travels throughout life. I have no choice but to believe it is possible because it was possible for me. I’ve been spinning in a wheel of despair only to find a little hope to bring me out of the shadows of my own existence. I have been thrown into the same miserable maze time after time only to get a little closer to the end each and every time. Life doesn’t give up on us- that is one thing I know. We always get another chance, even if it’s in a new mind and body or simply the same after a good night sleep. Heck, every second is a second chance. So if we are brave enough to set sail and just hang in there, if we never give up, we will come home. It is important to remember that the journey is a blessing even if it’s tiresome. And it is also important not to get lost on the journey by loosing faith but to trust that we are in fact always on our way home and that home is an even higher blessing. Now know this: we can never really come home if we’ve never been away.

a matter of the heart

 

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Yes my heart is fragile but it can outlive its own collapse. How? I don’t quite know. Perhaps I was never supposed to know either. But I rest assured that in all its delicacy it is also immensely strong. It is brave enough to fight the battles that can´t all be won and patient enough to hope for better days. My heart is not to blame in this for it is I who strap it down and hold it back whenever it fiercely takes a leap of faith into uncertainty. It is I who fear it might break for it is I who is reluctant to pick up its shatters and mend it back together after having it being crushed over and over. Silly me who thinks all of that is really up to me. How could I question the authority of a beating heart? I am its pupil and it is my teacher. It´s a matter of the heart, naturally! Dear heart of mine, please proceed to lead the way and I shall follow.