Reading the signs

bloganto

These days are powerful indeed. The moon has been conspiring to make things happen for a while now and it’s all making itself felt. Yesterday I proclaimed myself ready, as ready as I’ll ever be. This is indeed a time to trust yourself in the ways you have dreamed to create the reality you perceive. I’ve always been a dreamer, and honestly, whoever says they’re not are just not fully aware of how they too are dreaming up their own world, however mundane it may seem. I saw a ladybug yesterday, and then today I saw a chipmunk. Understanding that the world communicates with itself in mysterious ways I decided to look up the symbolism of these two animals as totems. On this International Women’s day, at exactly 11.11 I read “If you see a ladybug and a chipmunk together,magic is in the air, you can be sure the universe is conspiring on your behalf in serendipitous ways”. And so, I remain a dreamer. I remain in love with myself, in full faith of what I myself as co-creator of my reality have destined for myself. I’ll make my wish explicit. I wish for my voice to be heard, to echo through this world with all the love that it holds. I wish to reveal myself as the soul that I am and share the happiness that I have found to be so persistent throughout all my endeavors and challenges on this mighty planet. I wish to indulge in the pleasures of creativity and inspire the world as it has inspired me. I wish to walk this path with full confident and peace, never doubting the importance and purity of my every move. I wish to sing with full force the songs that resonate in my soul and of those around me, dance freely to the music that is in me with all of those who wish to join, bleed ink into words as if there was no tomorrow for all who wish to read, speak loudly for all who wish to hear the stories that have molded my being, smile and laugh with innocence at everything that comes my way. I wish to shine the light that I am for everyone to see themselves in me, and for me to see myself in all. I wish for balanced companionship, harmony, simplicity and joy, for abundance of love, ascending evolution manifested in all. I wish to be me, beautiful, limitless and entirely free, to vibrate the language of bliss wherever I go, to ripple out all that I am with the pure intent of being touched right back by all that I am. This is my wish. I am grateful. I am love. I am me. I am free. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. -A

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Being Ready

anto

 

How do we know? Are we ever really ready? Or are we always as ready as we’ll ever be? I guess the right time is always the very time it happens. But is there a way to know? A way to predict? Or would things just be too easy then? I’m not certain. But something tells me it’s different this time. Something tells me I am ready. I don’t know what it is. But even though  I’m afraid to really believe it this time around, I feel I have little choice. What else can I do, than to act according to what it feels like right now? I can remain passive, sure. But I’ll be unsettled. I’ll always have that voice in my head. But then again, I fear no matter what the choice is, the voice will remain. There will always be that ‘what if?’. But maybe not. Maybe this is what I’m learning to let go of. What if. What if? There’s no such thing. Present moment. Present moment. Always back to present moment. And now. In this moment, everything feels just right. Who am I to deny this? Who am I to look for the fault in the way things are? Who am I to doubt myself? Who am I to question the things I do for myself and the process I’ve dove into in this journey?

I’ve been pondering the difference between being moved by free will versus by the mere necessity of the situation and I think I’ve come to understand that there is little difference. If the circumstances call us to act in a certain way it is also based on some sort of choice whether conscious or not. Equally, even if we feel completely free in our choices, whatever we choose is always going to be the only thing we were truly capable of doing in that very moment. This is why we cannot be blamed for anything yet we are always responsible for everything. It is a gentle yet a tough truth that we deal with every second of our existence. Now, am I ready? Yes and no, no and yes. As ready as i choose, as ready as I’m destined. I’m always ready. Always ready. That is my truth. Over and out.

SICK

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I got sick, terribly sick. Sick of hiding and holding myself back. Yes, truly, it made me ill in every sense. And then when I stood back up to heal, they turned their eyes to me and saw. And what they saw it scared them. So much so  they tried to beat me black and blue. Though my colors never changed, I do see I was born to break. Break the shell of fear, that we impose upon ourselves. I am not the sickness, though it held me tight for long. No, me I am the remedy. The cure from all their lies. I think the word is truth. But I’m sure it won’t suffice, to show what grows inside it. To reveal all that it is. But my life is the tool, to awaken just all that. Whatever it might be. And put to sleep what it is not. For all that I now forgive, and allow to slip away. So yes, that is why I won’t be hid again. For here I stand in light of love and truth. Stripping off the sickness, healing in the nude.

COULD YOU BE YOU?

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It’s easy to judge honesty. Of course it is. Because honesty, uncensored and raw, brings out fear in us. It awakens the secrets we have buried deep down. It makes the corpses of our lies twist and turn in their well dug graves. It stirs confusion within our organized illusions. It reminds us of our nakedness and vulnerability. It reminds us of the masques we forgot we even wore. It makes us ask questions we forgot we even had the answers to…

and so I ask in the name of truth, and appeal upon the judge inside of me and you:

You call me crazy, but would you have the courage to live as freely as I do?

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You call me lazy, but would you have the patience to let the mysteries unfold all the way?
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You call me naive, but would you have the faith to believe the truth once it’s there, right in front of you?
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You call me morbid, but would you have the strength to face the fears and feel the feelings that lirk inside the darkest of caves?
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You call me spoilt, but would you really have the gratitude to accept such abundance?
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You call me foolish, but would you have the love to give so thoughtlessly?
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You call me a reckless, but would you have the passion to burn so bright?
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You can call me anything you wish, but would you be able to be me? Would you have the guts and the heart to live my life as fully as I? To be present, bare footed on the earth I walk upon, every moment of every day, to watch the birds fly and hear them sing, to sit and breathe with the whispers of the wind, to have your thoughts and feelings dance with the noise of roaring boats in the distance, walk with the beams of the sun upon your scarred face? Could you do that and know that all is as it should be, that this is life, perfectly imperfect, nothing more nothing less? Could you write these sentences and smile as heartfelt as I?
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Could you be you, as honestly as I am me?
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If so, I salute you. For I know the strenght, the courage, the love, the patience, the passion, the gratitude and the faith it takes to be me and live in this everlasting moment of change. So if you do too, I salute you.

ALCHEMY OF LOVE

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Love what you don’t like

Love what you don’t understand

Love what you can’t see

Love what you see

Love what you hate

Love what makes you sad

Love what makes you wonder

Love what makes you feel

Love what makes you upset

Love what makes you angry

Love what is different

Love what is boring

Love what is joyful

Love what is

Love everything and everything will bring you love

Love with no limits and infinity will be the reward.

JUMP OFF

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How can I share with you my happiness from the sheer being alive? How can I explain to you the pleasure produced from a simple stroke on my skin? How can I catch you in your busy life and get you to see the immense gratification found in just sitting still? How can I begin to convey the beauty that can be discovered in watching anything, literally anything, move in its constant flowing dance? How can I possibly communicate to your busy mind the peacefulness of absolute silence? How can I meet you right here, right now and have us unfold the magnificence of this moment together when your thoughts have wondered off far away in time and space?

From where I stand today I see that madness was something I inherited from our culture. Even though our culture claims normality and points toward me being an odd exception, I feel I have finally grown sane. Out of this chaos that is the way society’s wheel spins, grew in me first weariness then suspicion then curiosity and finally some form of sanity. And so, suddenly I found myself outside of the matrix, seeing things much more objectively rather than the way I was taught to perceive them. And so here I am, watching that wheel spin and spin out of control, with so many of you so desperately caught in it that you might haven’t even noticed the way it continuously whirls you out of your own center.

So I ask myself, what can I do? I cannot grab your hand and pull you out. I cannot force you to look at things my way. I cannot make you enjoy watching another person in the eye as much as or even more than buying fancy new things. I cannot command you to laugh at the challenges you face. Only you can do such things for yourself, if you want to that is. Only you can choose the ways in which you want your path to wind, but as long as you don’t know this wholeheartedly your path will most likely be the one paved out for you by society. And such a path is seldom in full accord with the way your heart wants you to move.

 No, all I can do is stay here and wave from the outside hoping that you’ll notice me, and see that there is in fact a place beyond the platform of time and space that you once were restricted to move within that you may have overlooked. And if you do notice it, all I can do is- with full honesty and confidence, lead by example and express the abundant infinity, which can be found here. And if you do trust me, and most of all trust yourself in what you come to believe, I can only mirror the courage that you too hold to decisively take the leap of faith that is essential to the full uncovering of what has been veiled. And if you do pursue that leap of faith, with arms, mind and heart open, I will be sure to greet you here the same precise way, with arms, mind and heart open.

SEEING THE MIRACLE

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I see miracles all around. I see them everywhere, all the time. I see the change that is happening in the world. I see it because it is happening to me, it is happening through me. And I smile because I sense a vast growing number of people who share this blessed perspective of the world. Less and less preoccupied with the delusion of what life ought to be and more and more sensitive to what life truly is. I see people undressing from their encumbering masques, daring a little more everyday to break open and allow their inner being to lead the way and shed light. I see myself, no longer the suffering seed aching to crack in the dark of the soil but rather the simple majestic flower happily facing the sun and swaying in the wind. I see this happening and I am astounded. I hear of the tragedies in the world but in my eyes none can seem to overshadow the positive changes taking place in the sacred space of this present time. Concept of past and future is trickling away as everything becomes a simultaneous process of evolution, an unstoppable growth into yet unknown dimension. Every moment is that miracle, bursting with overflowing love for all to indulge in unapologetically. Yes I see it all now. I see miracles all around me and it brings an infinite smile to my being. I bow down to the divinity around and within, gratefully accepting this gift that keeps on giving. And this is how I give back, by never aiming to impede this magical development of life force but by being its very vessel and honest reflection. I am the change, and therefore I receive. I am the miracle, and therefore I am thankful. I see miracles all around. I see them everywhere, all the time.

TURBULENCE

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Kept alive in the treacherous cavities of memory, yesterday’s storm has brought turbulence to this peaceful current day.

It was predicted in the forecast of emotional weather that I should expect whirlwinds of the past shuffling up old ghosts into this present moment.

In experiencing the revival of ancient struggles disguised in circumstances of the now- I stand prepared with the unswerving armor of my awareness.

I’m all buckled up but I am not alarmed, because in the process of this thing we call living, there is, always has been and always will be that serendipitous choice.

There is always the choice between that insidious conditioned reaction and that faithful conscious action, between excess embellishing pain and heartening courageous learning.

 I choose to accept all that I can yet I refuse to suffer more than I must; in this fleeting eternal moment life is not a lingering misery but simply the gateway to love.

 When turbulence comes, I remember it is but the aftermath of yesterday’s weather, ready to pass, simply asking to be forgiven and loved in abundance.

Such as all things- it comes and goes, and I shan’t be holding on this time around- because this time around, I’m glad to let you know, I am ready to let it go.

A SPARK OF OPTIMISM

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Little flashes of weakness wash over me as if to remind me to return to the source of my strength. I feel almost overwhelmed, as if all of this is really just too much to handle- but then I remember that it isn’t a fight, and therefore I need not struggle nor give up either. Every day, every moment is a blessing and calls for a ‘thank you’ rather than a ‘hold on’.

 All resistance I have harbored within is beginning to surface into the consciousness of my mind and body and I am continuously granted the chance to let go and move forward with further ease, each second more open to the spontaneous flow of life, the endless river of love.

 If I have been honest before I now intend to be more than merely honest. I will be open as a book, cramped with the words and actions that most accurately express the magnificence of my inner being, my truth, and my soul. Now more than ever before is the time to not simply believe in the miracles of life but to full on trust and actively enact them.

No barriers remain insurmountable and no hindrances hold the power to entirely throw me off course. An obstacle is purely an opportunity. With the risk of sounding overly optimistic and naïve, I believe rather confidently that a strong shift in our foundation is intelligently setting forth the changes required to spark the evolution of mankind onto the direction of our loving intuition.

Every second holds a portal into infinity and though accessing seems hard at times it is only to prepare our character to eventually fully embody the light that we can finally attain. I believe, feel, know and trust the purpose of all. With love extending in and out of my heart I rest assured that all is well and all is one. In this union we have already overcome. In love we are bound and so we shall eternally be.

Small mind, Big world

IMG_6182Meaning. Purpose. Or whatever we choose to call it. That’s the key. That’s what it’s all about. At least this is my theory of what it’s all about… and also what it’s not about. 

We might all go about searching and possibly finding it differently but however I try to break it down I always end up with this sturdy common denominator, namely meaning. Also, I believe there are two aspects of meaning, one that is constructed and created by the human mind, both collectively and individually; another that simply is, which is fundamental to existence no matter what man knows or thinks of it. Consequently, the way I see it we have certain major choices in life. Either we stubbornly convince ourselves and others that our idea of meaning is unquestionably right, i.e. idealism, extremism, fanaticism, radicalism etc. or we search aimlessly for something to give us what we seem to miss within and fall in each pit that society has dug for the exhausted pursuers of happiness, i.e. addiction, consumerism, deprivation, denial. Or, we acknowledge the second aspect of meaning, which isn’t interwoven in the creation of human civilization and which lies outside of the conceptions of society yet inevitably permeates all life. This, according to my humble theory, nonetheless supported by ancient wisdom and philosophy as well as modern day science, would lead us to reevaluate the ideas and structures of our culture and furthermore create a shift in both our thinking and our living. The only reason I can think of as to why it hasn’t yet reshaped the human world we live in is that the fundamental idea of man being responsible of creating meaning still prevails and blocks the recognition of the essential meaning of life. If we remain attached to the notion that meaning is to be conceived by man we will inevitably remain stuck within the limitations of the ideas that we are able to rationally conceive. Yet if we were to drop this, somewhat egocentric, idea that we as a human race and as individuals are to decide what is meaning and what is not, we should be able to recognize that life itself has teachings that we can take note of without necessarily having to be the architects behind it.

 Understandably, this is infinitely hard. For the rational mind to drop its desire to figure everything out and to stop building up a worldview that is rationally justifiable in today’s society, it takes quite a lot of introspection. Likewise, for the lost souls whom cannot seem to settle with any given rational definition of meaning to stop looking to be distracted from their sense of lack, it takes quite a lot of courageous self-examination and determination. It takes bravery in its uttermost form to be willing to jeopardize all what we have socially learnt to be true and right in order to open oneself up to uncovering a mystery that is actively denied by so many. And more than anything it takes great faith in something beyond humanity itself, which perhaps in its nakedness is the scariest thing of all. With all do respect, I am not talking about a blind faith in sacred scriptures, profane sciences or in higher beings that we have named God, Allah, or Brahma much like characters in childlike stories that we repeat to ourselves in hopes to live meaningfully. I am talking about a limitless faith in everything that cannot be imagined by the human mind in combination with everything that is in fact perceivable to man. Man has, during his approximate 200,000 years on planet earth as a conscious being yet failed to formulate an all-encompassing truth pinpointing the reason why we exist. Still he walks around this earth as if he was the ruler of all and in the process he has made himself the enemy of all. Our desperate attempts to recreate some sort of meaning to life has mistakenly put us in a position where we contra productively deprive life of its intrinsic meaning, doing things like leading wars, exploiting our resources and all kinds of indulgence in big or small scale conflict.  

Is it so unlikely that existence itself knows better why we are all here and that existence itself is not trying to hide this reason but that we, ambitious as we have become, are drowning out its voice by overlooking the obvious? Is it so unlikely that we, socially conditioned by our own relatively short human history, are simply barking up the wrong tree? Is it so unlikely that we can experience meaning, know meaning, feel meaning and live meaning without making it up or recreating it in our minds? Is it really so unlikely? I say no, on the opposite, it is quite unlikely that there isn’t such a meaning, but instead of saying “seek and ye shall find” I’d like to say “trust and ye shall find”. Meaning. It’s here. Let’s believe it and embrace it.