For a second now, imagine you could let go of everything that’s ever troubled you in the past and that the only attitude towards what has been and which now serves you is gratitude. Then imagine that there is absolutely nothing you need to worry about for the future and that the only thing your future depends upon is you being present here and now. Now notice the heavy giant load of things that just disappeared from your mind and understand how all that was making you blind to what you now perceive as you are being fully present in this specific moment. Notice how you are still alive and functioning though you are not chewing on the past as if it were non-disposable gum nor planning for the future as if your life depended on it. Notice that you’re still breathing, that your mind is clearing up and that your every little actions are becoming conscious and thus much more effective. Now see if you can discern the story that has conditioned you to escape this precious moment by trying to find false refuge in memories and expectations. Are you not very alive at the moment? What has led you to avoid this so much? And can you feel that whatever it is, it does not resonate with truth as you sit consciously in this now? Can you see that this moment is the source of all life and that this is where we need to be in order to survive harmoniously on this earth? Can you see?
If you are looking for the easy way out, searching for a quick fix, I’ll tell you- you have come to the wrong place.
This door might be wide open, but it leads you down the rabbit whole.
To me it’s all the same though, I’ve been there many times.
But I warn you if you choose to enter, be prepared and let it all just go.
Let the brick walls of your mind collapse and your soul spiral away.
Be as open as the door that let you in.
Because if you are not, and you choose to see only what your mind was set to see, you will be fiercly blinded.
And more than that, the hole in which you fall will as bottomless as you expect.
And so your fears will keep extending, into that infinite black hole.
But if you come here looking for truth, prepared with all your courage, faith and love, then please my love- do enter.
And you shall see that as you fall you rise up high, and the pit you feared to enter is one with great reward.
And so long you keep your eyes wide open, no beauty shall be lost.
For if you trust and know your heart, you’ll know to love confusion as a deeply crucial part.
It’s easy to judge honesty. Of course it is. Because honesty, uncensored and raw, brings out fear in us. It awakens the secrets we have buried deep down. It makes the corpses of our lies twist and turn in their well dug graves. It stirs confusion within our organized illusions. It reminds us of our nakedness and vulnerability. It reminds us of the masques we forgot we even wore. It makes us ask questions we forgot we even had the answers to…
and so I ask in the name of truth, and appeal upon the judge inside of me and you:
You call me crazy, but would you have the courage to live as freely as I do?
You call me lazy, but would you have the patience to let the mysteries unfold all the way?
You call me naive, but would you have the faith to believe the truth once it’s there, right in front of you?
You call me morbid, but would you have the strength to face the fears and feel the feelings that lirk inside the darkest of caves?
You call me spoilt, but would you really have the gratitude to accept such abundance?
You call me foolish, but would you have the love to give so thoughtlessly?
You call me a reckless, but would you have the passion to burn so bright?
You can call me anything you wish, but would you be able to be me? Would you have the guts and the heart to live my life as fully as I? To be present, bare footed on the earth I walk upon, every moment of every day, to watch the birds fly and hear them sing, to sit and breathe with the whispers of the wind, to have your thoughts and feelings dance with the noise of roaring boats in the distance, walk with the beams of the sun upon your scarred face? Could you do that and know that all is as it should be, that this is life, perfectly imperfect, nothing more nothing less? Could you write these sentences and smile as heartfelt as I?
Could you be you, as honestly as I am me?
If so, I salute you. For I know the strenght, the courage, the love, the patience, the passion, the gratitude and the faith it takes to be me and live in this everlasting moment of change. So if you do too, I salute you.
I am in love. I fell in love and there is no falling out of it. But I am no damsel in distress. I have fallen head over heals, yes. Truly and deeply but there’s no point in trying to catch me. Don’t you worry. It’s no silly infatuation. I am not blinded, no, I see things very clearly now. I am madly in love. I have fallen and there’s no turning back.
I am in love with life. I am so in love that these words are failing me. I love intensively. Every little crack and crease. Every little turn. Every little bump. All of it. I am in love with everything I see. Everyone I meet. Everything I touch. Everything that ever was. All that has yet to come. And mostly, I love all that is.
Every hair on my body. Every scar and every wound to come. I love the way my whole organism works together in a symphony, keeping me in one piece. Allowing me to move as a beautiful irreplaceable entirety. Especially how it allows me to dance. To feel. See. Speak. Taste. Write. All of it.
I love everything around. Everything far away in the distance and nearby. I am so in love. With every man and woman who has ever spoken a single word to me. Taken the time to get to know me. To be with me in one way or another. Intimately or completely platonic. I am so in love. So, so in love.
I am in love with the lizards. Insects. With the bees. The flowers. The clouds. The sun. And all there is, ever was and ever will be. All that- I love. I am even in love with the things that I fear. The things I can’t stand. All of it. Of course I am in love with what I love. With all that I like. All that I don’t understand and all that I do.
Oh how wonderful it is to be in love. To see so clearly. In love with my own beating heart and bewildered spirit. My cultured mind and my unique body. Also, I am in love with you. So if I haven’t already made it clear, now you should know… I love you.
Can this really be? For centuries and more they hunted you down and punished you for your truth and your magical mystery. Now suddenly they seem to ask for it. They don’t fear you. They beg and plead for you to help them. They once called you a witch, chained you down, burnt you and tossed you down a cliff to see if you would fly.
Well now you do and there they are, watching you in awe as you rise like a phoenix from the ashes of their primeval cursed fires. All along they blamed you for witchcraft and black magic when all along it was them whom used the dark forces to torture your bright soul. Your body and mind may have died over and over but your spirit persisted and here you are again, blooming, as bright as ever. The courage you have had over lifetimes is ineffable, beyond grasping and spectacularly baffling. You have withstood so much and yet you have kept coming back. You have trusted defeat to be the beginning of victory and therefor you have been resilient. Your strength is unlike many.
The memories of your past battles stretching far back in history of mankind are imprinted in your body and today you can honor them. Today you can reveal yourself and give thanks to the courage you have showed lifetimes again and again. You have fought long and hard and beginning to see that you can finally put your sword down knowing that you mustn’t always be on guard. You have made it safely to this point in time and space and here you can finally reside in peace. You were a warrior, a princess with a blade sharpened by love. You were a healer, a goddess with hands of light. You were a speaker with a quick tongue perfected for wisdoms of the heart. Now you are all those things you ever were, just not chased and imprisoned for it. Now you are a free bird, wings spreading high and wide.
For long your roots have carved their way deep into the soil of this earth and finally the flower is in full bloom with no end in sight. Honor the wars of the past and rejoice in the peace of today. You are deserving of the goodness that is given to you at this present time, for you have fought heroically and ceaselessly. These are times of laughter, but unlike previous times these laughs will not slit you throat. As you laugh today all the wounds of your past battles are healing and finding their peace inside your everlasting soul. Like a soldier home from war, it is sometimes hard to understand that the combat is truly over. But it is time you see that you are in fact coming home and that everyone who ever saw your light and laid a hand upon you is now cheering you on, welcoming you to rest in happiness and develop freely from now on.
No one is here to hold you back anymore, and even if that is a good thing it can be a terrifying thought for one whose wings were cut by countless hateful hands. But don’t be alarmed. There is really nothing to fear and such is the truth today. It wasn’t always so but today it is and so you must accept that, just as you once accepted to fight your way through the storms. Today you have clear blue skies and a light breeze pushing you forward on your journey.
The sun shines bright upon your face and the moon pulls you wherever you need to be. She, the moon, has watched you in your darkest hours and seen you swivel your sword and stain your hands with the blood of those whom once tried to stop you. But she has also seen your grace and your caring ways when no one else could see. She, the moon, asks you to forgive yourself just as she has long ago. Him, the sun, shows you the brightness of your being and asks you not to hold it back. Rains have watered the earth and your feet have danced upon it with grace no matter what. You are the one you’ve always been, whom you’ve been punished and feared for, worshiped and loved for and whom you are now free to be. In this life you are truly unlimited. In this life you are free.
This time nigh time dreams won’t have me. I was expecting them and perhaps that was my mistake. But something else is keeping me awake and restless. There is a wild being caged inside my chest and as much as I’d like to claim nothing really scares me anymore, the intensity of what seems to be roaring within is greater than I seem able to handle right now. I’m not one to give into fear so easily though. I am the curious typ. A wild woman. Whatever that is. I burn and I ache. But it’s all good. That’s how I shed my skin. That’s how I spread my light. So who’s trying to tame me? Why do I have a string feeling I am being domesticated by myself? In me: a pretty tamer and a beast, all at once and me.
The moon called me out tonight, brought me back out of my sleepless bed. It had so much to say to me and I was afraid to listen. The tamer, that worried little thing, was afraid to listen. The beast on the other hand, gave away a deafening weep. No wonder there was fear. The moon spoke of death and blood. Of birth. Of life untamed. Of the raw. The ugly and it’s dirty beauty. And a part of me has been rejecting it for so long. And still is. Half heartedly though. I’ve been neglecting this fight and it was about time it was brought to surface.
They say the old ways don’t work on this new rising earth, but what does that really mean? I know what it means but I would like to know how it applies to me. To this. But then again no. That’s what I fear. The tamers voice inside of me is still pleading. “Please let me be! Let me just go on unnoticed as I always have.” I am confused. Who am I to sympathise with here? Such a petty thing it would seem. But it doesn’t feel that way at all. Of how it pains me, cuts me deep. I am not afraid of others. I am afraid of myself. Of the beast inside. I hear the judging demon, terrified of the wilderness of my untamed being. “Be cultured! Civilized. Pretty.” It tells me.
But the poor wild beast can’t possibly be all those things. The wild beast is wild. It is not meant to be all those things it is forced to be. How could I ever take sides? How am I to make a decision that seems so devastating to all parts? I know this can’t go on much longer. I must forgive myself for keeping this battle alive thus far already. I keep pushing the limits. How far can I go without having to choose? Can I keep the beast locked up for just a little while longer? No. It doesn’t seem fair. It hurts too much. But the tamer shivers with fear at the very thought of unlocking it’s cage. But I must set it free.
Dear beast, you are not like them. Pretty and domesticated. You are fury and wild. Perfectly ugly and beautiful all at once. Oh what a crazy thing to be doing. To unleash this beast. But perhaps crazier to keep you on a leash. Force of nature. Star of the wild. You too deserve my love. You have kept me sane. Where will you go now that I set you free?
Dear tamer, I hear your questions and your warnings. You predict the worst. You always have. And I understand I really do. But it doesn’t have to be so. There could be relief. The beast is no longer your burden to worry about. You have been conditioned. Terribly so. You heard them say what had to be done to gain their approval. But we no longer seek their approval. You have my love as well. And that’s all you’ll ever need. I assure you. Your work is done and you’ve done it well. I love no matter what. I really do.
Dear beauty and the beast. I love you. Both.
The sun does not compare itself to the moon
Embrace. Embrace, the ever-changing dance
We are planets, centers of gravity’s pull
Each crucial to the synchronicity of the whole
The moon does not wish it were the earth
Every single one of us, born out of a serendipitous collision
A union of love, for the benefit of all
Part of a micro macro galactic family
Building the entirety by being, by learning
Venus doesn’t ask to switch places with Mars
Rotating in different directions, different angles in different speed
Here to explore the endless varieties of life’s expression
There is no ideal; uniqueness is the expansion, the bliss
Jupiter does not try to be more like Pluto
Embrace. Embrace, diversity in time and space
As above so below, as within so without
Emitting light together
A spectacular experiment, motivated by love
The secret to flight is to travel light
To find all, all must first be lost
Such states the law of nothing
One who sees potential in nothingness
Knows the source of everything
Just as in the depths of sound lies silence
All can be done deep down in oblivion
Look to the source and you will see
The invisible eagerly manifesting
When all has yet again vanished
It is all becoming but once more
The exhale makes way for the inhale
Like letting go makes way for the new